Don't let life get you down.
Don't let life get you down.
It's getting pretty crazy with what's happening in Montreal right now. The student protest against massive tuition hikes has been going on for months and is only getting stronger. Hundreds of thousands of people gather and there are protests every day. There is an overwhelming message that the people of this province what affordable education to be a priority.
But despite the HUGE amount of support to keep tuition costs low, the government continues to ignore all the requests of its constituants. This last week the government rushed through a law banning the right to assemble. Now, every group of more then ten people has to obtain a license from the city or risk the possibility of arrest and jail-time. Anyone speaking about, writing about, facebooking about, or even wearing a red square are now at risk of arrest for "inciting protest".
I'm not quite sure how we've come to this point, we live in Canada for goodness sakes. We're supposed to be a country that lives by the philosophy that the government is there for the people. I just don't understand how the government can forage ahead with something that their constituants so obviously disagree with.
Photos by Coralie Lemieux-Sabourin
"Those who, while they disapprove of the character and measures of a government, yield to it their allegiance and support, are undoubtably its most conscientious supporters, and so frequently the most serious obstacles to reform...
Unjust laws exist: shall we be content to obey them, or shall we endeavour to amend them, and ode them until we have succeeded, or shall we transgress them at once?
…if it is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law. Let your life be counter friction to stop the machine. What I have to do is to see, at any rate, that I do not lend myself to the wrong which I condemn...
There will never really be a free and enlightened State, until the State comes to recognize the individual as a higher and independent power, from which all its own power and authority are derived, and treats him accordingly."
Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience
Unjust laws exist: shall we be content to obey them, or shall we endeavour to amend them, and ode them until we have succeeded, or shall we transgress them at once?
…if it is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law. Let your life be counter friction to stop the machine. What I have to do is to see, at any rate, that I do not lend myself to the wrong which I condemn...
There will never really be a free and enlightened State, until the State comes to recognize the individual as a higher and independent power, from which all its own power and authority are derived, and treats him accordingly."
Henry David Thoreau, Civil Disobedience
This afternoon I went to an amazing concert in a little coffeeshop for the Ukeladies, and the opening for them was a woman named Janice Lee who sang some amazing songs that were very pertinent to this issue.
If you want more information about what's going on day-to-day in the Montreal protest scene, you can read more about it here.
What is it about these beautiful days and having so much time on my hands that stops me from being productive? When I'm crazy busy I can cross dozens of things off my list a day, and yet with this much time I can barely accomplish one...
Should I just go out dancing? Probably...
The time has come my friends, to get out your leather, donne your black makeup and dance to industrial, because the annual Montreal industrial fest is here!
"A Nonprofit organization founded by a partnership between KAO Production & [i] Prod to promote the North American Electro-Industrial-Noize scene, Kinetik Productions is proud to bring you back after the success of the last editions, the Kinetik Festival 5.0 from May 17 to 20 2012 in Montreal, Canada. Don't miss your chance to be part of this unique experience with some of the best acts of the Electro-Industrial scene performing during those four days!"
The Man With the Wrong Dreams
A man who applies for something turns into a piece of paper.
There is never a place for him to describe
how heavy his head weighs in his hand.
No one is really this flat, or this thin.
There is no line to explain his body
-how it has to be filled and emptied endlessly
like a bathroom sink or drawer.
How when the body discovers it has no purpose
it begins to clog up, to stick.
Where is there space on a form to put down
what arms feel like, when they are tired
of looking for something to do? Where does a man check off
what it is like to be a man:
the gallons of fluid pumped into the sheets, the quarts
into women? How can he be considered
without this information?
Around him, Spring has arrived. It climbs into the branches
to swell the trees, turning them yellow and green in the air.
The simplest leaf pushes out of it's stem with such certainty
the man watching knows it does not have to apply to appear.
He is waiting to learn how he should flower.
As he waits, his hand falls asleep.
The blood has become hesitant, it cannot decide
why it should flow down any particular vein.
So the heart sags, bloated,
becomes a bag of leaking sludge through a useless machine.
Then nothing satisfies him: if there is a little work
there is not enough money. When there isn't,
any work will do. He turns
on what surrounds him: the rest of those waiting, each other.
Brushing his teeth on a Spring morning
the man discovers
he is the Man With The Wrong Dreams.
He has been waiting for the letter that says
Okay, now you are famous or Now you are rich
or even Now you have a job.
This morning, he knows this is wrong.
He goes back to bed. In the sunshine
lilacs are filling the air as the mailman passes.
-Tom Wayman
For and Against the Moon: Blues, Yells and Chuckles
These are not all lovers,
these half-shapes.When they reach for each other
their teeth leave marks,
they spend
in each other's blood
something beyond love.
They are insects
and what is worse
they are insects that feed upon
their own decay.
They have pursued reality
from some
worn out maggot hell
and there is
no saving them;
there is
no yesterday
when they come down.
One day, all suddenly over,
they find themselves alone.
The rocks,
for a change,
have worn down the waves.
There is
danger in sanity
there is danger
in not understanding loss.
-Susan Musgrave
Photographs by Brittany Markert
Went to an absolutely fantastic cirque and burlesque show last night! I was absolutely blown away by the acts, the talent, and of course, the sexiness!
The theme was ancient roman times, and the acts were everything from statues that came alive, to strong women gladiators, to a stolen slave girl getting covered in oil."Cirquantique brings you ancient Rome's most captivating entertainers! Let us transport you. A place where mythical creatures, powerful warriors and nubile goddesses gather in olympic arenas.
A time when Romans courted, ate and were entertained in the lavish public baths they built on natural hot springs. ARENA's artists offer you a buffet of steamy striptease and thrilling circus performance."
My friend Esmeralda, who also did an incredible job helping to organize the event, as a slave girl who burns off her chains in order to escape washing floors. Photograph by Jane Lane.
Just to give you a little bit of an idea of who was performing last night, here are some old videos of some of the performers.
Jamye La Luna
Lili & Katoo
And some of the burlesque-
If these guys ever put together a show again, let me tell you, you better go. It was definitely some of the highest quality work I've ever seen!
Poem With Two Endings
Say "death" and the whole room freezes--
even the couches stop moving,
even the lamps.
Like a squirrel suddenly aware it is being looked at.
Say the word continuously,
and things begin to go forward.
Your life takes on
the jerky texture of an old film strip.
Continue saying it, hold it moment after moment inside the mouth,
it becomes another syllable.
A shopping mall swirls around the corpse of a beetle.
Death is voracious, it swallows all the living.
Life is voracious, it swallows all the dead.
neither is ever satisfied, neither is ever filled,
each swallows and swallows the world.
The grip of life is as strong as the grip of death.
(but the vanished, the vanished beloved, o where?)
-Jane Hirshfield
Jodi Sharp
2012
Performance Photographs, Publication
Endorphins and Oxytocin is a publication and a performance project by artist Jodi Sharp. The publication consists of poetry, writings, as well as a three month performance and documentation of the artist wearing a weaving that represents all of her old lovers.
For a history of the costume for this project, please go here.
In this project the artist questions what love is, how we are capable of it, and how it is possible that we can feel the same feelings for different people again and again.
Attached are a select few images and writings from the publication.
LOVE- the human body's reaction to certain endorphins which release oxytocin in the brain, with the evolutionary intention of making pair bonding feel good. (The Third Canadian Edition of Psychology)
LOVE- The combining of three vital human emotions within a relationship. Passion (sexual desire), intimacy ( honesty and understanding), and commitment (devotion and sacrifice) (Triarchic theory by Zick Rubin)
FOUR FACTORS OF LOVING- Close proximity, similarities, physical attractiveness, reciprocity. (The Third Canadian Edition of Psychology)
POETRY- A metaphorical series of lines that convey an incident or thoughts through the expression of feeling, not fact. (Percy Bysshe Shelley)
REASONS FOR PUTTING PREVIOUS PERSONAL WRITINGS INTO A BOOK- Putting love into perspective because it's the same every time. It's the same every time. And "because all that fucking without good art is just plain dreary." -The L Word
GRAHAM- March 8, 2007
I just grew old with you
You told me you were trying not to like me
but to me it was no surprise
i had felt you try from the moment you first said my name
when you walked out of that room
when you looked at me with eyes that made me never want to leave you again
and everything stopped
everything changed
and you told me i was beautiful
(you are a fool to consider me beautiful)
and you smiled like something that had just been born
and i told you i felt the same
(sometimes i feel you punish yourself;
hoping to avoid karmic retribution
for all of our happiness)
i sat with you in the dark
we watched the stars on my ceiling
and shared souls
and i told you i was crazy about you
what i didn't say was that if the whole world collapsed into a moment,
content to be what it was and never more,
that moment would be when you kissed me
(if i had put it in brackets it would be less cheesy)
And you told me you weren't worried
that you just knew it would be
(i have never trusted anyone this much)
Yesterday i woke up.
yesterday i knew i would die young.
and i could feel you there
heat on my pillow
through my phone
and i realized it didn't matter
(the whole universe had existed for this)
i screamed out loud
and i smiled into the air
and my bike tire exploded
(it didn't even matter)
that free falling feeling
was karma letting go
(all this foolish beauty has no desire to go home)
I know that's cheesy.
CHRISTOPHER- March 20, 2007
Every night at
11:09
i walk down a street
an ugly street
with an ugly Tim Hortons, and
every night
at 11:09
it's like Gone with the Wind
(you know that famous scene)
where they kiss
(but they kiss without moving at all)
i always thought that people didn't
actually kiss like that
but these two
with skin like paper
(looks like it's going to flake off)
hardened by time
by the wind on cold streets at night
at 11:09
sit in an ugly Tim Hortons
on that ugly street
and kiss
(it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen)
without moving
without breathing
focused on that connection
doesn't matter that they haven't eaten yet today
(i have never loved anything that much.)
the other day
i brought coffee down to my resident street person
(53, Jason, likes his coffee black)
we smoked a little
talked a lot
he told me about his cat
who died
(Buffy, because she was buff)
he had her for twenty years
he loved her more than anything ever
(anything EVER)
even his girlfriend
who was a prostitute
and needed love more than anything
he told me that when his cat died
he went crazy
wandered the streets
lost his job
apartment
girlfriend
son
(i have never loved anything that much.)
Sometimes i sit in my apartment
i drink my coffee
i sit on my windowsill
i try and fall in love.
(it's always been over)
i've decided that i suck.
CHRISTOPHER- March 20, 2007
AARON- June 19, 2009
Because i get crushes on botanists. (plants are sexy)
Okay, here it goes.
Trying to write a poem about
someone... new?
You know how it feels
That anticipation
when you start that first line
and you're not quite sure
what to say
because you don't even know them
quite yet.
You just feel queasy
and kind of excited
and out of breath
every time they stand close.
Aren't your crushes just like that?
And sometimes you find yourself thinking
that if only
you could stick your hand inside their chest
to figure out their heart
and how it beats
maybe hold it in your hand, Then
you could stop blushing
and blubbering
like an idiot.
Already i've crossed out so many words
trying to fit you inside
the lines of my paper.
(You licked my ear
and i kissed your eyelids
we didn't make love
but it was more lovely than.)
i haven't written poetry in a while. Can
you tell?
Scattered.
Flustered.
You make me want to say
so many things i've
never had a name for.
Take me to Africa. Take
me to South
America.
Take
me away.
i can never make it sound as
romantic
as it is in my head.
(You make me wish so many things.)
i wish i didn't use the word i so much.
i wish
i
rock climbed.
i wish i knew how to
sail. i wish i spoke Swedish.
i wish i could name all the plants in my backyard.
i wish i lived by the ocean. Would
i give up (or gain) all these things just for
you to kiss me?
Again.
Scattered.
Rambling.
How can something as simple as a smile
turn me into such a
complete and total
idiot?
i wish you would tell me you liked me in Swedish
SEAN-July 4 2006
i have felt jealousy beforefor another human being
the need to be wanted
felt, distinctly
in the ends of my fingertips
and the bridge of my nose
i remember once
when we cuddled in the night
after hours of drinking
making us brave enough
to touch.
i felt something then
special
maybe just the heat
from the water flowing
under your skin
i remember thinking,
distinctly,
i should have this, you.
how painful it is, to watch you
with another human being
who's not me
who's not real
who doesn't know
that you love quotes for their history
and biking for the escape
i felt something there
when we talked about things
as if you, i, we actually mattered
i felt a loss in you
and it was me who filled that space
but instead of telling you,
touching you,
kissing you until i couldn't breathe,
i went back home
to my dead end life
to my boyfriend i would eventually leave
and the spirits that i felt
filling me when i was with you
died as if i'd suddenly become
an adult.
JOSHUA- June 14, 2006
15 minutes with only your name down
i once saw a man
painted in watercolors
of orange, purple and blue.
he reminded me of you.
not in looks but in brilliance
his colors were like a blanket i have
made up of squares of greens
pinks and blacks.
i would bring that blanket with me
if i were to come to you
we would sit on it
you would tell me special things
things you have learned,
felt, touched
like you've touched my soul
across a blue ocean.
you would hold your guitar
like i would hold your hand
and we would play
with our thoughts and feelings
until we were exhausted in our shells
but not in our souls
because we are strong, alive,
anticipating.
getting to know the person
behind walls of white and gold sand
that fall away to the touch
never complete
never wishing to be
have i never told you how incredible you are?
i have tried
you amuse me
you are my muse.
i awaken
you laugh because it all seemed so simple
it seemed so at the time
somedays inside my neck
i have walls made of concrete
which i adorn with that portrait of you
to remind me
all is never lost.
somedays i speak out loud
though tomorrow i may regret it.
today seems to be one of those days.
ZOEY / EILANA- November 8, 2009
Today I stuck toilet paper in my nose, blocking out the noise, wishing it were not so that the world kept going round and round.When I drank my latte the world paused for just a moment.
And a guy stared at me through his kid at a table, and my coffee sank its teeth into my lungs.
I thought of you and I thought of him and I wondered if you were still you and him.
It's a shame that we forget how to love.
And it's not that we forget, you said, it's that all of our dinner plates place vows between our faces, and all our children scream at the same time, and when it just comes down to it,
I look at your face and I see my own
and I get confused because I thought that you were there for me.
(When I get stuck with the task of finding a table in this restaurant I should be thinking about the starving children in Africa,
Why, why must love be this way. I know that it changes, and I know that it gets better,
readily available
I stick out my tongue
lick soft snow
off your demented face
you see
the creature
I've turned out to be
not taking this kindly
I guess we'll talk later
hold me
just my hands
then I won't be able
to feel your
heart
beating wildly
within my own chest
kill the sensation
of you
inside
you rip me open
i hold me closed
i lick your face
you hold my heart
kiss me
a little later
i don't really like you
at all
right now
they told me once.
(I try not to think you too often)-
I turn my head off
to our mutual affection.
If I think you again
you may just come true-
warm hands
my mind's thought projection.
(You're fucking me up.)
Is it silly to want to write a poem
that talks about
the way you breathe when you sleep?
How beautiful your eyes are?
Where I want to touch you?
I feel you walk
a song in the distance,
watch the frost from your lungs
in my small ice lantern-
how close you come
to your own reflection.
My body surfaces and breaks-
how close you come
to perfection.
What I'm listening to as I work today:
(When I get stuck with the task of finding a table in this restaurant I should be thinking about the starving children in Africa,
but I'm not, I'm thinking about you.)
You're there and I ignore you and I hurt you and you yell
You're there and I ignore you and I hurt you and you yell
and all the metaphorical books in my bath fall off all their metaphorical bookshelves and I become incompetent and stupid because I just love you.
Why, why must love be this way. I know that it changes, and I know that it gets better,
but what if it doesn't and it just falls apart.
I asked if they loved, they'll both work it out, and she looked at me with an expression that was more real than one single notion I had about love.
Once together you made a holy child that you crafted out of flour and water and some organic vegetables And I've never seen a partnership care for a kid in the equal way you do, and every time I watch you, I'm inspired to see how things can work because you both make the effort. And now your child is old enough to laugh but he won't, and he's old enough to understand but he can't, because the people in the world are sad and we don't know why and that's nothing to laugh about. And what's the point of living if we can't find each other through all the mess. And what's the point of breathing if you can't kiss someone else between each one.
I asked if they loved, they'll both work it out, and she looked at me with an expression that was more real than one single notion I had about love.
Once together you made a holy child that you crafted out of flour and water and some organic vegetables And I've never seen a partnership care for a kid in the equal way you do, and every time I watch you, I'm inspired to see how things can work because you both make the effort. And now your child is old enough to laugh but he won't, and he's old enough to understand but he can't, because the people in the world are sad and we don't know why and that's nothing to laugh about. And what's the point of living if we can't find each other through all the mess. And what's the point of breathing if you can't kiss someone else between each one.
I just want you both to be happy.
LANE- Feb 15, 2005
Three hours left of this murderous traffic squealing through my head without even the use of signal lights:readily available
I stick out my tongue
lick soft snow
off your demented face
you see
the creature
I've turned out to be
not taking this kindly
I guess we'll talk later
hold me
just my hands
then I won't be able
to feel your
heart
beating wildly
within my own chest
kill the sensation
of you
inside
you rip me open
i hold me closed
i lick your face
you hold my heart
kiss me
a little later
i don't really like you
at all
right now
JORDAN- July 11, 2007
i have kept a mousetrap on my saddle
for people like you
people I've caught and held in places
i shouldn't
once we sat under a crack of lightning
that showered in angry green sparks
once we drank on a golf course at twilight
and once
you told me something real
if only for a moment,
and by accident.
How is it that we end up this way?
Perfectly unperfect people
who shove cucumbers down each others shirts
and suck on each others eyeballs
just to see how it feels.
Who try sadomasochism, just once
just in case
it makes us feel alive.
How is it that we can never be in
the same time
or the same place
too scared to believe in things
that are actually real.
i told you something true once
but it think you forgot it.
MYLES- April 2, 2009
A thought is a thingthey told me once.
(I try not to think you too often)-
I turn my head off
to our mutual affection.
If I think you again
you may just come true-
warm hands
my mind's thought projection.
(You're fucking me up.)
Is it silly to want to write a poem
that talks about
the way you breathe when you sleep?
How beautiful your eyes are?
Where I want to touch you?
I feel you walk
a song in the distance,
watch the frost from your lungs
in my small ice lantern-
how close you come
to your own reflection.
My body surfaces and breaks-
how close you come
to perfection.
What I'm listening to as I work today:
I just spent the weekend out in the country. The first time of the year it was actually warm enough to camp.
It was the "super moon" on Saturday, the largest full moon of the year. The moon approached within 357,000 km (222,000 mi) of Earth, in what is scientifically known as a perigee-syzygy of the Earth-Moon-Sun system (perigee: closest point of an elliptical orbit; syzygy: straight line made of three bodies in a gravitational system). So, we camped and danced and got a little crazy, which was LOVELY.
Photo of the weekend by Jamie Janx Johnston http://twitter.com/#!/jamiejanx
Being outdoors makes me feel so many things. This time of the year it is easy to remember life and the rebirth. But being out of the city really makes me feel so much smaller, a part of something bigger, a part of death and life and the cycle of the world. It was sad for me to come back into the city.
As I was trying to visually articulate these feelings to myself this afternoon, I came across some photos I have by Tom Chambers, and also by Sarah Cooper and Nina Gorfer. Both of these series convey some feelings I have about being intwined in nature, but also distant from it at the same time.
And also, for my lazy and slightly sad afternoon, a little bit of Asa.
Because sometimes things break apart, and always things go onwards and upwards.
All that I really want to do with my day is stay in bed, not leave my blankets, read poetry, be alone.
Eddy
I have left you again.
Tonight you lie in a room with no
windows.
I am walking down Main Street
In a tight black dress,
Walking away laughing;
There is something about my leaving that is
final.
It wasn't the loneliness,
It wasn't the cruelty,
It wasn't your heavy body even
that kept us warm and wanting one another.
Finally I am alone.
There must be a thousand men like you.
There must be someone like you somewhere.
In the whole world somehow there must be at least
a stranger.
I have left you again.
I have a picture of us in my pocket.
I stole it while you were still sleeping.
We are walking down Main Street together,
walking along laughing.
In the photograph you are younger.
There is something about you that is innocent.
You hold on to me as if you have nothing more
to live for.
There is something about my leaving that is
beautiful, beautiful.
-Susan Musgrave
(A Man to Marry a Man to Bury, 1979)
Photographs by Elene Usdin
Once again aiding in the perpetuation of images I do not know the origin of but inspire me anyways. A strange mixture lately of kind of weird human photographs and fuzzy feeling words.
in the mountains
we were in the air
in the mountains
and she said to me
it is so beautiful
and she focused far
it was silent for
a while
then i said
it kind of looks like
someone whose hair
is thinning
and she gazed at me
disgusted
and just mildly
hateful
she said
i love you little sister
-Kendra Grant Malone
I want it to pour.
Since it was a GORGEOUS day out today and I spent most of the day outside in my local park, I started thinking about our beautiful and wonderful environment that's all around us. Anyone who knows me knows how much I care about making sure that our environment stays as a healthy and wonderful ecosystem, but unfortunately, we as humans don't always do a good job of making sure it stays that way.
I deal with the subject matter of environmental devastation a lot in my art practice, and so I'm always interested in artists that can deal with this subject matter. One of those artists is conservation photographer Daniel Beltra who's photographs are haunting and sometimes shocking but still so beautiful.
“The fragile state of our ecosystems is a continuous thread throughout my work. It is in nature’s beauty and complexity that I find my inspiration. My photographs show the vast scale of transformation our world is under from man-made stresses. To capture this, I have found it is often best to work from the air, which more easily allows for the juxtaposition of nature with the destruction wrought by unsustainable development. Aerial photography gives a unique perspective emphasizing that the Earth and its resources are finite. By taking viewers to remote locations where man and nature are at odds, I hope to instill a deeper appreciation for the precarious balance we are imposing on the planet.” -Beltra
I also love the work of Valerie Hegarty who paints beautiful realistic landscapes a then either destroys them or leaves them out for the elements to do the work.
Some mornings you just need to sit on your couch and watch music videos online. Today was one of those days.
One of my favorite sources of inspiration over the last year has been North American 1920's circus imagery. I love the fabrics, the patterns, the dirtiness. But one of the things I love the most is the idea of what the circus was back then.
In the era before the internet, and before photography was even very accessible, the circus was a place where the general public could "see things never seen before". Acrobats, animals from far away places (I can't image what it would be like for most farmers to see and elephant), and of course, people with genetic disorders labeled "circus freaks".
As much as putting someone on display because of a physical difference is a horrific thing to do, I also imagine that these people much have felt some sort of camaraderie in finding others that were different like them themselves. In an era where people that were different in a community were know to be ostracized, finding a family of like people to belong to much have been incredible for some of these people. I might be romanticizing it, but there are so many days when I wish that something like that circus still existed. I still dream of running away and belonging to a family of people who live outside of what is normal and make a different and beautiful path for themselves.
Beautiful film I saw recently called Fur, which was the imaginary portrait of Diane Arbus, a cutting edge female photographer in the 1960's who was not afraid to take beautiful images of "different" people.
And of course, if we're talking about beautiful circus movies, I have to mention Water for Elephants, in which the costumes and set were unbelievable to me.
Since it's now April, I might as well post some of the photos from the vernissages for the three shows I had in March.
WEIGHS at Studio Beluga, where I showed I am animal, March 4-16.
Don't Call it a Comeback at Gallerie Diagonale, where I showed Dealing With Loss, March 17-24.
By Hook or By Crook at Eastern Bloc, where I showed Nature Preserve Part 2 from March 30- April 5.
